Category Archives: At Home Wife
How often have you heard a husband, friend, family member or anyone else say, “She doesn’t work.” in reference to a woman/wife/mom who “stays at home”? Hey, you may have even said it about someone else or yourself. I know I did. Notice the past tense there….”I did”. I don’t any longer. Do you wanna know why? Because women who are “at home” do work. I mean….they really work. And not just 9-5. They just don’t draw a paycheck from an outside source or get paid nearly enough for all the work they do.
I learned many years ago that having a job outside the home with a regular paycheck is not what defines me. No more than being a wife, mother, home educator, ministry leader, writer, professional cosmetics formulator and hand producer or an entrepreneur defines me. Those are not WHO I am. They are not even WHAT I am. They are roles I fill. I just happen to do all of them at home because I choose to.
This is the entire premise of “At Home Woman”. When the idea came to me (no doubt inspired by God) to start At Home Woman, it was because I kept getting asked “Do you work?”, “What do you do?” and a plether of other questions and comments about working, having a job or a career. It seems someone was consistently trying to pin a label on me as a “SAHM/SAHW”, a “WAHM/WAHW” or some other term of the hour. And 9 times out of 10, it was usually implied that I had less value and didn’t “work” because I didn’t have “a job” outside the home. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I was none of those trendy titles and yet I was all of them…and then some. I just knew there were probably others out there just like me who were working from early morning to late at night at home, filling more roles than they could count most days. And many of them were likely feeling just like me…unappreciated, under-valued and unsupported in what they do and why they do it.
So, At Home Woman was born in a matter of about 8 hours, from original concept to social media community to this blog and beyond, AHW became a safe haven for those of us who fill the many roles set before us and do so by choice. With it came the deep desire to connect with other women filling the roles in life from an at home setting, to support and encourage one another, share our faith and struggles and to be real with one another about the challenges we face and the successes we enjoy every day.
This last September, AHW turned 3 years old. It’s been an interesting experience to say the least. We haven’t grown a lot in numbers since that first year, but we have seen support from many all across the USA and from a few surprising sources. One thing has become very evident. Many are realizing that without those of us who “DON’T WORK”, there would be very little getting done that makes life enjoyable and comfortable and that life as many know it would cease to exist. I’m not exaggerating here.
So give yourself a pat on the back, at home woman. Treat yourself to a nice relaxing bubble bath and a piece of decadent chocolate. Rejoice in knowing you are more needed than you ever imagined and more valuable than gold, silver or fine jewels. God has called you to a higher purpose than just having a job. He’s called you to be an at home woman doing the work that others can’t or won’t do. He’s called you to nurture and be a catalyst for the present and the future. Because it is in those roles and doing those jobs that lives, families, homes and communities are being impacted and changed. YOU, my dear, are working for a greater purpose. You are working for the kingdom of God. And it shows.
I guess I’m an odd duck when it comes to what makes me go weak in the knees and causes my heart to go ka-thump-ka-thump for my husband. It’s not receiving a big box of candy, flowers or expensive jewelry. It’s not exuberant displays of affection, candlelight dinners or any of the usual things that women seem to refer to when talking about what what turns them to mush for their mate.
No…for me, it’s the little day to day, week to week, month to month things. It’s the things that many don’t even see or think about. It’s the subtle courtship that my husband is so good at without even trying to be.
Some of you may know, my husband is a commercial truck driver. His work takes him away from home and hearth 5 – 6 days a week. Obviously, this makes our family and couple time together very valuable. We just don’t have the time for the traditional ideas of romance. There’s no room for hurt feelings, resentment or bitterness over a special day that is not celebrated in a cenventional way. Truth is, every moment becomes special and holds meaning when they are few.
Earlier this week, I had one of those weak in the knees, ka-thump moments. Monday morning, I awoke once again to my soul mate being on the road and tending to the homefront without him physically by my side. He had pulled out before daylight for his week of living in a truck while getting items and products that Americans want and need to their destinations.
I went to the kitchen to make coffee as usual. I use the filtered water from our fridge door for coffee because I like the way it makes coffee taste. As I was standing there filling the electric perculator, my eyes were blankly looking at the in-door ice and water dispenser, watching the digital read out tell me the amount of water I was dispensing.
Without warning, my eye (and heart) was captured by the ice selection indicator light. CRUSHED! The light indicated that crushed ice was selected for the ice output. Not cubed, but crushed! Now let me explain this. My husband likes cubed ice. I like crushed ice. He knows this. Before he had left that morning, he had set the ice to dispense crushed ice…..just for me!
And with that one small action, my heart fluttered and swelled and I began “crushing on him”. Remember when you and your spouse were courting and how you had a crush on them in those early days? Do you remember how you adored those ever so subtle little things about them and those little things made you love the whole person? This is what I’m talking about.
Throughout that day and even now, I’ve been thinking about how he (my hubby) is often doing these types of little things and how I “crush on the little things”.
Brushing against me gently as we pass each other in a room, letting me cry and talk things out that are heavy on my heart and mind, saying a word of encouragement when I need it most.
The way he smells fresh from a shower, the way he looks when he’s concentrating on something, the way he holds our son close to his chest and plays with him even when his face shows me how tired he is, the way he speaks with sureness and puts thought into his words.
Loading the dishwasher for me after a meal, wiping his feet or removing his shoes before he comes in the house, looking at me over our son’s head with a twinkle in his eyes, running to the store for me so I don’t have to.
Wiping off the top of the wall by his shower because it is too high for me to reach, dishing out a bowl of ice cream for me while he’s getting his, starting my coffee perking so it’s ready when I get up on the weekend, doing a load of laundry.
Calling from the road every morning to say “Good morning” and “I love you” to me and our son and every night to pray with us, speak blessings over us and say “Goodnight”. And yes, switching the ice dispenser from cubed to crushed.
These are the kinds of little things that I really do totally crush on.
I totally crush on my wonderful, God-given husband too….more than I can possibly describe or put into words. It’s more than like, more than adoration, more than love, more than appreciation, more than attraction. As we say in the south, I’m stuck on him like honey on a biscuit. Once joined together, there’s no seperating the two.
What about you? Do you “crush” on your spouse? When was the last time you really looked at the one you share your life with and noticed those little things that made you love them in the first place? I’d love to hear your story.